Dear Missionary Mom,
You’ve been through it and Lord knows it hasn’t always been easy.
You walk a path few have chosen.
There’s a lot that goes along with being a missionary and there’s a lot that goes along with being a mom. Combine those two titles and it can be overwhelming at times.
I’ve been there, I know what it’s like to juggle both titles, to feel like you gotta do it all and then some.
You strive to be the best momma your kids can have. You do the cleaning and the bathing and the cooking and the shopping and the diaper changing and… well… you get the idea. You wipe the tears and bandage the booboos. You set the boundaries and try to stick to them. You play referee between siblings, manage schedules and answer middle of the night wake-up calls.
All of this while living abroad on foreign soil, trying to survive in another culture, trying to shine His light among a people not your own.
You feel the pressure to live up to the name mother and the name missionary.
At times you’re not sure where one begins and the other ends.
When you’re at home with your babies picking up their toys and wiping runny noses you wonder if you are missing your purpose “out there”. You long to make a difference, cause you were called to, and sometimes in the midst of all the everyday mundane stuff you feel as if you aren’t doing much.
Then when you get the chance to be “out there” mixing with the locals, learning the language, or teaching English you feel the feelings of guilt creep in… that you should be home with your babies.
Oh momma, I feel you.
You wonder if you’re doing right by your kids with their education. Should you be homeschooling? Should they go to international school? Local school?
You weigh the pros and cons. You want them to assimilate to the culture but you struggle with fear of how they’ll be accepted. You want them to learn the language but you worry if full immersion in a local school would traumatize them.
You wonder if they’re missing out on extra curricular activities like sports or music or dance or other things that aren’t available where you are.
You worry about your kids finding friends and getting enough social interaction.
You feel bad they don’t see grandparents but every couple of years, and barely know their cousins.
When your kids are sick, seeking the right medical care can be stressful, the healthcare system can seem so strange and operate in totally different ways than you are use to.
Traveling the world, while a dream to others, can be close to a nightmare with kids. Keeping up with passports, visas, and plane tickets, with babies strapped on your front and heavy bags lugged on your back, doesn’t feel all that glamourous. You endure the endless plane rides, long custom lines and security checkpoints with screaming babies and pushing grandmas.
You know what it’s like to shove kids in the back of a deranged taxi driver’s car and pray you arrive at your destination in one piece! You’ve climbed onto crowded buses and rushed into packed trains holding tight to little hands and clutching backpacks.
You wrestle with conflicting emotions when returning to your home country for furlough. Home doesn’t feel like home any more. You wonder if you will ever feel like you truly belong anywhere in this world. The disconnect with family and friends can be disappointing and distancing. The unasked questions leave your life lived in another world unknown to those who are closest to you.
You remain quiet when you hear others complaining about their “first world” problems. You plaster on a smile at churches and small groups in order to share the more glorious aspects of your ministry overseas. You stress about how your kids are doing with all of the transition they are facing while bouncing from one state to the next to share, fundraise and report.
How many different nurseries can you force them into? How many kids’ classes or youth groups do they have to endure being the “visitor” and the “missionary’s kid?”
How many houses can you stay in with different rules, expectations, political and theological views before you crack?
You try to keep the kids on their best behavior but want to cut them some slack cause you know this life isn’t easy for them.
And it’s not easy.
This life you’ve been called to…
You knew it wouldn’t be and yet you still said yes. You still show up every day ’cause you couldn’t imagine a life any different. As much as there is challenge and hardship, there is joy and blessing. At times you look around and realize just how privileged you are, the people you’ve met and the relationships you’ve forged have been more than worth it.
To see lives changed and fruit brought forth after years of plowing and planting is beyond rewarding.
Know that our Father is proud of you for sticking it out and pushing through. He’s proud of you for doing hard things.
He’s proud of you for all the sacrifices you’ve made and are making.
He understands the pressure you struggle with to be the perfect wife, mother and missionary. He knows how hard you can be on yourself when you feel like you are failing.
He knows the battle it is to find time. Time for God, time for your husband, time for your kids, time for ministry, time for yourself.
He’s seen the difficult days and the sleepless nights. The days when you felt like giving up, packing up and going back “home”.
The days when you felt unqualified and inadequate.
He’s seen the tears you’ve cried and the loneliness you’ve felt. He’s held you together when you felt you were falling apart.
You’re a different breed, momma. Take a step back and celebrate all that you are and all that you do.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you were never called to be perfect. Receive God’s abundant grace measured out to you in a never ending supply. Pace yourself, and know that you don’t have to have it all together all the time. Know when to ask for help and take some time off. Say no to the fear and the lies and the accusations that are always seeking to take you out and shut you down. Give yourself permission to rest and just be.
You’re an amazing woman of God, raising up the next generation of world changers all while trying to do a little bit of world-changing yourself. You not only mother the children birthed from your own body, but you mother the nations one blessed soul at a time. You may do all the seemingly small, behind the scenes things. The things that don’t make it into the newsletters or into the slide presentations. The things that the world doesn’t notice or applaud. But He sees, and He won’t ever forget your labor of love. So keep on keeping on momma.
Heaven is cheering you on and great is your reward.
Special note to missionary moms who were displaced during the pandemic:
I just want to acknowledge in the most heartfelt way, your strength and versatility during such a chaotic time. So many of you have had to let go of your homes, your communities, and your ministries without the opportunity to say goodbye.
How you managed to create some simulation of a home for your family when everything seemed to be ripped from you is incredible to say the least. Many of you found yourselves living in countries you never expected to be in and having to adjust to a whole new language and culture. So many of you found yourselves stuck, locked down in apartments and guest homes never knowing when all of it would end. Favorite stuffies, toys and books along with a host of other precious treasures were sadly left behind and deeply missed. There were hard decisions to make in the midst of a myriad of opinions and raw emotions.
The waiting and wondering felt endless and excruciating at times. Trying to grieve what had been lost while trying to forge a new life, new routine, and new normal must have been exhausting. You’ve wrestled with purpose in the unknown, and at the same time tried to be there for your husband and kids as they wrestled too.
For many of you, re-entry to your home countries felt like death to a dream you worked so hard to achieve.
For some it was a much needed rest and recovery, healing and recalibration.
Whatever your story, I hope and pray that you have been able to process all of the transition and upheaval. I hope you have been able to grieve the losses and find closure.
I hope that as the pandemic fades you are able to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel and lay hold again of the vision and calling God has for you with renewed excitement. God Bless you!
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